I’ve been writing on Fetlife- a fetish social media site for almost a year now. https://fetlife.com/users/8079687 It’s probably the best and most revolutionary writing of my life. I have been excavating myself, discovering who I am and I’m very proud of the work I’ve done there. I have created over 110 pieces of writing, 8 videos and posted 49 pictures with captions. People enjoy and appreciate my work there. It feels amazing to be seen in my completeness. These people know everything….EVERYTHING about me and they do not judge. They have loved me into myself. It is Incredible. It’s also why I haven’t been writing HERE as much. I have felt like I couldn’t be all of me here. I guess still have some fear of judgement.
These pictures are from a photo shoot I did with a fan/follower/friend from Fetlife. SO surprisingly, sexual selfies have been incredibly liberating for me. The women on this website are bold, exciting risk-takers but they are very much like everyone else in that they still suffer from the same body insecurities as other women.
Slowly, as I have allowed more of my body to be shown, on MY terms, at my pace, with my particular brand of joy and sexy, I have come to love my magnificent body. I still wish I could get rid of the pouch over my c-section scar but I even love that sweet puffy part of me now. (though not quite enough to show her with pride instead of resolution)
My body has worked so hard for so long and I love her. I am grateful that she has carried me through the world the way she has.
I like celebrating her strength and her femaleness and her sexuality.
It gives me joy.
My first pictures on Fetlife were fully clothed. I quickly moved to lingerie and sensational cleavage with high heels. A gentle showing of my breasts here and there. A cartoon, a couple of political memes. More…. more… until finally, this fall, nine months into this journey, I posted my first full nude. It’s quite tame really – I’m just leaning against my bedroom door- but I feel awesomely pretty in it even though you can see my pouch. And the love poured in. Other women feeling brave enough to do the same, and love their (who says imperfect???) bodies.
I was really grateful to feel completely naked and beautiful. I soaked it up. It is a rare thing for women. (It parallels my foray into stand-up this year where I bared my soul naked also.) And now, I’m working with other artists to make beautiful, thoughtful, sexy things where nothing existed before. Including the most open, honest and soul-feeding friendships of my life.
And much to my delighted surprise, I enjoy this particular genre of art. The first idea, the planning of what you want to say and how you want to look and come across. The why if there IS a why. Sometimes, you just do it because it’s hot and you’re FEELING hot. And you want to do something about it.
Peeling this onion in every way possible to see what’s at the core. It’s the only journey worth taking. Terrifying, exhilarating. Comforting in the knowledge that I won’t have that ‘what if?’ at the end.
And to think, I was only trying to get kinky laid.